Sounds of laughter and freedom to breath!

We've decided that we LOVE vacation time at Casa Bernabe! This week has been simply beautiful....lots of nice sunshine, lots of laughter and more blessings than we could count!

About three months ago we started working with a local business, Pricemart in order to provide ALL our kids with Christmas presents. It was alot of work and the folks at Pricemart were so dedicated and determined to make sure that our kids experienced the blessing of receiving! Pricemart decorated a tree and the ornaments were fotos of our precious kiddos. Members were able to adopt a child and provide for their needs, clothes, shoes and even toys. Yesterday was the day and it was AMAZING! Pizza, cake and presents....we asked one of our kids to volunteer to pray and one of our 7 year old boys prayed such a beautiful prayer, blessing God for providing and considering the desires of our hearts. So fun!!!

The kids got AMAZING gifts and we all felt so blessed! It was a great time for all!

Yesterday afternoon, following our Christmas party we took 20 youth out to serve in our local community. They took clothes, toys and blankets to share with the community around us. We prayed over families as we attempted to meet a few needs. It was an amazing time....really, really amazing! We are enjoying the opportunity to build relationships with the children of this community!

As we entered our campus the sound of laughter filled the air. Kids everywhere playing with their new toys and just enjoying laughs....It was simply beautiful.
We are enjoying a more relaxed environment and the opportunity to spend more time just lov'n on our children. Tonight we are just grateful, grateful for a God who sees and knows our hearts, grateful for family and friends, for blankets on cold nights and shoes for our feet! AND grateful for people in our community who have compassionate hearts and the determination to bless our 165 children!

"Stay Close..."

It's hard to believe that 2010 is almost history. As I look back over the past year there is one word that comes to mind..."BUSY!" I think almost every update included the word at least once and was so true of our reality! Over the past few weeks I've been so blessed to just sit, to ponder and to stew over our family, life and ministry here at Casa Bernabe.

In the craziness of raising 165 children how do we stay focused, how do we keep our perspectives wide...
I confess that my tendancy is to just focus on the little piece of life that is right in front of my face, a screaming child, a failed test, a critical supervisor, etc. causing my brow to forrow and my perspective to be slim. I'm thinking that this is not exactly how God has called or is calling me to respond to life. Self-evaluation is not fun but I think it's necessary evil, inspiring real change and deep growth. That said, I'm grateful for the many moments God's given me in the last month to just think!

As I've asked some really hard questions and recognized some really difficult things about my own character, God has not spoken in a booming voice or fixed me....though that would have been a splendid thing to experience. No, my loving Savior has given me one challenge...."STAY CLOSE to me!"

John 15:1-6
"I am the vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. ABIDE (Stay Close) in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."

This passage has been a great source of affliction in the past but for today Christ is simply challenging me to focus on staying close to Him, on abiding rather than on the lack of fruit in my life. Those areas of my life and character that are such a challenge right now can only be corrected as the character of Christ bears up under me and reflects through me....and that can only be accomplished as I sit with Him.

In sitting at His feet, the truth of what lies deep in my heart has begun to rise to the surface. Not easy or fun to deal with but this week I feel more excited than ever as I feel the Spirit of God moving and changing me, empowering me to let go of past wounds and to walk in JOY! In my last post I shared that God has been challenging us in a serious way as we learn to shepherd our youth here at Casa Bernabe. As we desire to take them deeper, past cultural Christianity, the Spirit of God is challenging us too....allowing us to feel the heat of the fire as we sit in the crucible, willingly allowing the Holy Spirit to dig deep into our secret places, healing and burning off all that would keep us from reflecting GLORY.

So much more to share but for now dear friends....the challenge is this....STAY CLOSE!

Where am I?

Where are YOU? For the past bit I feel like God's been asking me, "Tonilynn, Where in the world are you?"

Life has been so busy and I've been on this unique journey that's truly left my mind looking a little more like mush and less like something functional! No, I've not taken up drinking or illegal drugs but as God continues to lead us toward restoration here on this mountainside, He's not just allowed us along for the ride with our young people but He's really challenged us to be active participants. As He works, His Spirit penetrates more and more intimate, hidden places and my mind reels! I LONG for more of HIM, for the FULL revelation of CHRIST in my life.

How often we miss it! I think that is the point of His question and I deeply feel that He's calling me to be PRESENT! Present in this moment, not planning or looking to tomorrow but rather, HERE right now, available to my beautiful little boy as he finishes math homework....Here right now aware of Stefan's intimate needs....Here just enjoying this moment!

As we journey toward RESTORATION, so often we're looking at our kids, their pasts, their challenges and we are looking for ways to love them to the cross. That in and of itself is not wrong or bad but I know that in looking, trying to be creative, thinking ahead sometimes I miss really precious moments to just be with them. I feel so challenged to just be....

Where am I? Well lately I've been caught up in alot of really good stuff but I've missed alot of really precious moments so I'm praying for balance in my life, I'm praying that GOD will continue to break yokes, to free me of my past and to guide me on this journey that's become so very personal!

Perspective...

Recently I wrote about the rain, it's abundance has left us overwhelmed. As I drove off our property the other day I was stunned! The gravity of the situation in Guatemala can be seen at every turn. The land cannot take any more water and as the slides continue I am reminded of God's faithful care of us here at Casa Bernabe. Life continues here and often the crisis does not penetrate our land....it's stunning really! Just a kilometer away the slides continue...

Here in our little room, thanks to Tony B. our waterfalls have been detained and life without buckets has resumed! In the midst of buckets, black trash bags and heavy storms I thought more than once, "what's next?" I'm ashamed to admit this as we truly are so blessed here. My attitude was certainly LESS than God exhalting and I found myself demanding my "rights" at the throne. "I've worked so hard all day, I'm empty and God I cannot share my bed with the rain!" As Stefan and I finally gave in and realized that sleep would not be possible beauty somehow flooded our room. There we lay with bowls on our chests eating apples and laughing away! Life doesn't always look the way we'd like it to, experiences are not always what we expect but when we are truly living surrendered to the KING of KINGS, life is beautiful! The more that we ask Christ to "REVEAL" Himself to us, the more conscious we are of our words, our attitudes and of eachother!

Tonight we watched a movie with some friends and were so impacted by three particular women in the film that were the town "gossips." It was amazing, before a word came out of their mouths we knew that they were gossips....their faces told the story...
I'm challenged as I look in the mirror tonight....what is the story that my face tells? What is it that those around me receive when I open my mouth? AND even more importantly what is it that Christ receives from this supposed intimate relationship that we share? Is HE truly glorified? Do I live more and more TOTALLY surrendered TO Him?

So I come back to this:
CHRIST REVEAL YOURSELF FULLY TO ME, TO MY FAMILY AND TO MY COMMUNITY. We are not content with what we've got....we want MORE OF YOU! I truly believe that as we plead with Christ for Him to "ABIDE" with us and as we truly seek to ABIDE in HIM we will see COMPLETE RESTORATION.

Thoughts from under the rain...

There are those weeks, you know the kind...when it seems like emotionally, spiritually and mentally it's just one storm after another. I'm quite sure that's where the phrase, "when it rains it pours" comes from. Well it's been one of those months it feels like! And today I'm actually writing from under the rain...literally! It's been raining non-stop for a while now but over the past few days the rain has been long and hard. It's come down so hard infact that it burst right through my roof and joined me on my bed! We're talking buckets! And there was really nothing I could do about it! Except cry! So many leaks in my roof that there was no escaping it! No place to move the furniture...no way out! Thankfully today God sent a solution and for the moment our roof is holding under the pressure of the rain. But the whole experience has got me thinking....stay tuned for a future blog on this subject.

Stefan and I have started the 4th grade and let me just say, it's a whole new ball game! This year we felt so ready and we are just stunned at the difficulty of the material. Between video instruction and homework, school is at least a 10 hour day! Stefan and I are learning alot about eachother, our weaknesses and our need! In all of this I've been thinking about what it means to be a parent, the ups, the downs, the unexpected failures and the unmerited successes! I've relied more on the Spirit of God in the past three weeks in relation to parenting than I have in a long time and it's been so amazing to watch Him move among us...granting me patience and eyes to see....giving Stefan steadfastness and a willingness to learn. When we lived at Texan Hall we felt so blessed materially! We lived in this amazing 3 bedroom cottage and just enjoyed life. Our kitchen had a table...thanks Phyllis Salamy! Our porch had a table and those tables provided the awesome opportunity to fellowship together as a family! But in our one little room here we've struggled to implement our normal family traditions! And I had no idea how this was affecting Stefan. This past week we've begun to put our closet together which has provided extra space, we bought another chair and now are enjoying meals around a table....and what a difference that has made! We've laughed so much and that has truly brought healing and rest to our busy, busy lives!

Beautiful...

7 years ago I was sitting at my desk at Oklahoma Baptist Homes for Children, while my sweet boy was "signing the sidewalk"....making history at Casa Bernabe. Our hearts hung in the balance as we waited for God to move mountains to make our family a reality and now...GLORY!!!!!!! HE IS FAITHFUL! Each time I walk over Stefan's sweet little hand prints I am reminded....GOD DID THIS! AND He continues to be FOR these children...each one of our 162 beautiful pearls!

An update of sorts....

Our lives are crazy! I think that so often and then I wonder what I expected when I signed up to play an active role in raising 160 kiddos! There is truly never a dull moment around this place!

The month of August was so busy! So many exciting things happened....

Darkness 2 Light:

Part of the vision that the Lord laid on my heart for 2009-2010 was to be able to impart, Darkness 2 Light: 7 Steps to Preventing Sexual Abuse, training to our staff here at Casa Bernabe as well as like-minded ministries in our area.  After months of preparing and a very generous donation from Darkness 2 Light we were able to have our first two seminars. In two days there were 47 participants from 5 different organizations in our area. So exciting!!! This is a photo from the first day of training! I am so grateful for the time and resources to be able to impart this MUCH needed information. Since the training I have been contacted by several organizations hoping to host simular training sessions within the month of September. Please continue to pray for open doors to share the HOPE of Christ through these Sexual Abuse Prevention Seminars.

Baby M.:

Several months ago I sent out a petition in my weekly newsletter asking for prayer for a precious young lady in our ministry. Baby M. was born on August 11th to this sweet young lady and we have just marveled at the way that God has poured out provision through His people and covered both mom and baby in His love, mercy and healing. Both are home and we are looking forward to growing with them on this journey!

A visit to the National Palace:

On Monday morning the director of CB walked into my office and asked me to drive her to the National Palace on Tuesday to meet the Vice President of Guatemala....AMAZING! Tuesday we loaded a van full of 18 kids and 3 adults and began our journey! There was traffic galore, land slides blocking two lanes of traffic which had to be cleared before we could continue and there were car sick kiddos....but somehow we made it to the Palace on time! I'm not really sure what we expected, what I expected but I was blown away! The palace courtyard was full of children.....ALL of whom have experienced more hurt, abuse and neglect then words can express. I watched as one of CB's own took the podium. She stood as a voice for thousands of children who until now have no doubt felt that their voice was unheard. A.  challenged Ambassadors from around the world as well as the Vice-President of Guatemala to take an active role in preventing child abuse in Guatemala. She shared part of her story and led these powerful law makers in an oath to Guatemala's children. It was to say the least a powerful moment! There were 18 children in all who participated in the ceremony and in the end the Vice President pinned each one as Ambassadors of Peace. I watched as the this powerful man took time to listen to these children.....

As he went to exit the room one of our youngest little girls dunked under the Secret Security line and stood in front of the Vice President. As a member of security went to pull her out of the circle the VP put his arms around her and she asked:

Mr. Vice President....Do you believe in God?

YES. he replied....

Then I would like to pray over you....she responded.

With that the VP bowed his head and this young one prayed a powerful prayer over him.

I am challenged daily by our children, their boldness and their will to overcome intense struggles brought on by rejection, abuse and abandonment. As I watched this little girl I thought of Esther. With boldness she entered the circle and she proclaimed the name of the LIVING GOD to one of the most powerful men in Guatemala. BEAUTIFUL. Just beautiful! 

August 31, 2010

August is my birth month.....and this year God blessed me in ways I could not have imagined or even thought to ask! I've done alot of pondering this month, a ton of wrestling and on this last night of August find myself rejoicing. Rejoicing because Stefan and I serve such an AMAZING God who is to us, Father, Husband, Comforter, Provider and Protector! Rejoicing because in the midst of sorrow, there is joy, in the midst of challenges there are solutions, in the midst of failure there is GRACE......

Open Doors

 

"The words of the holy one, the true one, who has the key of David, who opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opens." Revelations 3:7

 

The days and weeks seem to run together and more and more I feel like my head is spinning as our lives move at this fast pace. But last week as I sat down with my "to do" list I was overwhelmed by the amount of large projects and I just began to pray…Lord, not my will but yours be done in each of these projects. There was a VBS happening at my home church, Snow Hill Baptist Church in Tuttle, Oklahoma and they had chosen to highlight the work at Casa Bernabe and specifically our baby house. This meant sending pictures, videos and the like…however our internet decided not to cooperate making an easy task a long and frustrating one. There was this HUGE project with Brigada 40….that of organizing a mission trip to build houses for widows! Great project but honestly my faith was dwindling in the area of finances…There was the issue of this Sexual Abuse Prevention seminar that I am to facilitate in August but the material arrived late to team in MO and thus did not make it here. In each area I began to pray…Lord, open and close doors….

Tonight I am STUNNED!

We serve an AMAZING GOD who hears our prayers and orchestrates events that we couldn't even dream up to accomplish HIS purpose.

• The VBS at Snow Hill was AMAZING from what I hear! Brandi S. caught the vision for the baby house and did an incredible job of empowering our family in the Tri-City area to impact the beautiful babies that Casa Bernabe serves. We thought it would be nice to have a rubber floor for the baby house as our tile can be so unforgiving and through the faithfulness of children, our baby house will be REMODELED, including a rubber floor! THANK YOU SNOW HILL!!!! Oh, and the internet finally allowed us to upload….if you haven't seen the videos….please check them out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IzN_iyddzg or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA_OA-ATJFY
  
• Our widow building project has developed and grown so much over the past week. God confirmed that we have the finances to build 3 houses! This is AMAZING! The youth at Snow Hill have worked super hard and the community of faith there has been super supportive! They have raised enough money to provide a home to a widow in need!!!! And our team here will GET to build it and share Jesus in such a practical way! Living Stones confirmed that they will join us for the trip and will provide the financing for 2 houses! Our kids are super stoked about raising funds here…car washes, bracelet sales and the like will allow them to play an active role in this project! Dates have been set and the door before us is OPEN!!!!
  
• About a month ago I was invited to share my heart in the area of sexual abuse prevention at a meeting where orphanages from around the country would be represented. I was so excited although a bit nervous. The idea for a seminar was received enthusiastically and a date was set, however the material never made it down…frustrating! BUT God made a way and just today I received ALL the material in my office to be able to offer this valuable training to 10 different ministries. SO EXCITING!
  

I am so amazing at the way that God provides for us! His timing is perfect and His provision beyond what I could ask or imagine!

 

 

 

 

More on a mama's heart and surrender...

So this month has brought so many amazing opportunities with the girls on our campus! It's so fun to experience God move and change my heart with time! The first time that I experienced Casa Bernabe, God totally wrecked me but He did so through the sweet smiles and heart-wrenching cries of the three, four and five year olds on campus. Ministry looks so different this time around and part of the blessing of being a part of the youth here is that the youth now ARE those exact three, four and five year olds.

So one of the most enjoyable things I did this month was plan a retreat for our "Quince" group. It was SO much FUN!!! We are so thankful for the way that God has empowered Living Stones in Reno, NV to come alongside this group of young people to help prepare them for their futures.

The retreat has been an idea that has occupied our minds much of late and at the heart of it, the desire to address such issues as higiene, pure relationships and of course sex...the good, the bad and the ugly. We were so blessed by the way that God provided and pulled every detail together. The hotel that we stayed in offered bungalows with kichens which allowed for Quince to plan their meals and then we all went shopping together. It was great for the kids to come face to face with the reality of what it really takes, financially, to feed that many of them. They had a budget and the girls had to put things back due to lack of funds which was a really amazing experience. They talked through it...made decisions but in the end still ate like queens!

The sessions were informal which made for a family like environment and the girls responded so well! Throughout the two days I was able to connect with girls that I've really not known before and I was able to really build up relationships with others. Sometimes we experience things in life and we ask..."How could this happen? How could God possibly use this for His glory?" I've asked these questions alot in my life and honestly each time I think there is no way, God shows up in a big way, turns the challenges into something usuable in His Kingdom and gets the GLORY! I truly feel like that is what happened during our two days together. Every adult present was able to speak into these lives in such pivotal ways.

I've had some revelations this month that ONLY a LOVING Father could give. For the past five years I've begged the Lord for a house full of boys and the ability to stay at home and minister to and raise up God-fearing men. Well, I have two full time jobs, try to manage Stefan's homeschool and so the term "stay at home mom"....pretty much not a reality! However as I mentioned in my last post God recently opened a door for me to become a foster parent. While I totally believe that this is an opportunity that God has given, I have also felt Him gently nudging my heart, gently asking me what it is that I truly desire to do. Is it to be that stay at home mom....which would take a miracle by the way.....
OR
Is it to be a social worker, a youth worker, a disciple maker????? It is not that both aren't possible but reality is that it's really challenging to do it all and do it well. So tonight I lay my mama's heart, my need for reorgainization and my desire to serve King Jesus at HIS feet in surrender....
Lord have your way...not my will but yours be done!

Update on life.....

This blog background seemed perfect....even now as I type the raining is falling steadily on my roof....as the coffee brews and my two little ones snooze, I finally have a minute to reflect....to think back and the last few weeks.

It's been a over a year since Stefan and I answered God's invitation to join HIM here at Casa Bernabe and it's been an amazing journey to say the least. Each day is a new adventure that causes me to have to step out of my comfort zone, ruthlessly trust HIS sovereign hand and relinquish the control I so tightly hold onto!

About two months ago I was encouraged by a dear friend to consider what ruthless surrender looks like, to consider what letting go really would entail. Now, let me share that this has been a painful journey! One that is still evolving and that takes a new and different shape everyday! Honestly I felt that I was "surrendered" in every sense of the word....I mean really! So the first stop on this journey: PRIDE!
In researching surrender and trying to grapple with the concept that I was not surrendered I came upon a devotional that convicted me beyond words.

"Let God shine His holy light on the dark corners of you that you've never let Him touch. And tear up that contract you want God to sign; the one with all the ways you've wanted things to be. Give Him a blank piece of paper, pre-signed by you to do whatever He writes on it. You're at the end of your power and at the beginning of His. Surrendering is the way to winning, and powerlessness is the most powerful position in the world."

I was stunned as I read these words. A vision came into my mind of me standing before the throne with my contract, jumping up and down like a crazy woman...."just, please LORD sign it..." The Lord lead me to then cut out a heart and list upon it all my desires....all the things I was attempting to control.....all the beautiful plans I'd made for myself. And then I took out a plain piece of white paper and I signed it.....
I truly desire GOD to pen this story!

Fast forward a month or so and I am now mama to not one but two sweet boys! Not something that I had written into the pages of my story for 2010! Yet God in HIS mercy chose our family to be a refuge to a child in need! It's been a hard adjustment...much harder than I expected but God is doing an amazing work in our family! He's doing a work in our hearts, sealing His plan upon us and encouraging us to trust him ruthlessly!

It's been hard to balance my role as mama and my responsibilities here at Casa Bernabe. Hard to be what I need to be in all areas....tonight I feel broken! God has opened my eyes in the past days to the struggle that these little ones are truly faced with, he's broken my heart for our care givers who are raising not two but 16 or 18 little four year olds. Rejection, abandonment, FEAR and developmental delays make life so challenging! I can't see the future...have no idea what the Father is going to write but I know for today He's given me two sweet boys and I'm so grateful for the peace we feel in our home tonight!

Brigada 40

SO EXCITING!!!! A missionary and member of our youth leadership team made this video recently! 2010 has been such an exciting year in relation to our youth on campus and the vision that God has given us for them! It's been so awesome to watch them grow together, learn together and serve together....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA_OA-ATJFY

BRIGADA 40 Service Project

(Widow House built near Chichicastenango)

Since the moment we were asked to led the youth of Casa Bernabe, we've had a passion to see a new generation rise up among the young people we serve. A generation committed to recognize needs within the community and compassionately extend their hands to make a difference.  It's not difficult to see that the community at large is deeply in need. With the erruption of the Pacaya Volcano, Tropical Storm Agatha and other natural disasters the need in Guatemala is both profound and urgent.

BRIGADA 40 was privileged to serve Chimaltenango a few months ago through the sharing of beans, rice and the GOSPEL. It was a truly impacting experience for our youth group and we are anxious to again be able to give out of what the LORD has so graciously provided us!

We'd like to ask for your prayers as we prepare to journey to Chichicastenango with a group of 12 youth to build houses for widows in that area. The picture above is of a home we recently visited. Our hope is to be able to build 4 houses just like this one over the span of 3 days. We are so excited to have Living Stones from Reno, NV joining us on this project and have just been amazed by God's provision!

Our 12 youth will be working over the next 3 months in order to contribute to the project. As we prepare to invest in these 12 youth and build houses for 4 different families we ask that you would stand with us in prayer. Please pray that God would hand pick the families we are to bless, that we would be wise in our planning and that God would open doors for us to invest in these youth.

THANK YOU for your love, prayers and willingness to journey with us! BLESSINGS!!!!

II Peter 1:5-8

"For this ver reason, make every effort to ad to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge; and to knowledge self-control; and to self-control, perservance; and to perservance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness and to brotherly kindness, love. For IF you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they willkeep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our LORD Jesus Christ."

God is GOOD and His continued presence in our lives continually amazes me! I find myself more and more grateful for the way that GOD shelters our community, for the way He provides for us through HIS beautiful people, for the way He brings JOY through the giggles and pitter-patter of little feet! I am GRATEFUL!

This passage of scripture has been our focus this year in Brigada (youth group) and each time I read it I am challenged. Challenged to make effort in my faith, challenged to not grow weary in doing good, challenged to pursue knowledge as as for a hidden treasure, to call my thoughts and actions into obedience thus expressing self-control....I am challenged to be KIND...to truly LOVE my brothers.....I am convicted and empowered to journey on striving for all these...

"Then I looked up-and there before me was a man with a measuring line in his hand! I asked, 'Where are you going?'

He answered to me, "To measure Jerusalem, to find out how wide and how long it is." Then the angel who was speaking to me left, and another angel came to meet him and said to him:

RUN, tell that young man, 'Jerusalem will be a city without walls because of the great number of men and livestock in it. And I myself will be a WALL of FIRE around it,' declares the LORD, 'and I will be it's glory within.'" Zechariah 2:1-5

As I think of the events of the past weeks around our world and specifically here in Guatemala I am reminded of this BEAUTIFUL passage of scripture. Here at Casa Bernabe we have experienced the presence of the LORD expressed so mightily in HIS WALL of FIRE around us, sheltering us and protecting us time and time again! With the earthquake, volcano and tropical storm there was great potential for an affect an our lives and the life of our minsitry BUT GOD in HIS mercy has so sheltered us!

We covet your prayers for the community that surrounds us and for the nation we serve!

Strawberry Cheesecake and Chocolate Coffee

Some of my most favorite things in life....cheesecake, coffee and FLOWERS! God has been so good to give our family a little patio that we have FILLED with beautiful flowers which greet us each morning with their BEAUTY.

Tonight as I sip on chocolate coffee, give a spelling test and ponder the past weeks I'm AMAZED at the God I serve and the way HE empowers HIS children to do MORE than they feel capable of doing, to LOVE deeper than they can comprehend and to SERVE beyond what they feel their strength will allow. The past weeks have been a whirlwind of events, inspiring a mirage of emotions and ushering in exhaustion. I am comforted by Matthew 11....

"Come to me, all all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you REST. Take my yoke upon you, and LEARN from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you WILL FIND REST for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Last week I had the honor of sharing God's WORD during our weekly youth meeting. Normally I am so nervous about speaking in front of ANYONE in Spanish BUT God was so good to shower me with peace about the whole ordeal. Still I didn't have a WORD that I truly felt was from HIM. At the last moment God began to speak to my heart about this AMAZING love story. Everyone loves a good love story and as God led me to Hosea, He began to challenge my heart in relation to our tendancy as Christians to play the harlot. We know the truth and yet so often deny the power thereof!

I thought about the first real love letter I ever received. It was a cold November morning and there on my snow covered windshield was a letter to me from a man who was pursuing my heart. Talk about BEAUTIFUL! I still remember what I felt and as I took a walk down memory lane God began to challenge my heart. What things distract me....facebook, work, even ministry from this beautiful relationship with the LIVING GOD?

The fun part of falling in love is getting to know the other person, their likes - dislikes, their character...especially under pressure.....experiencing LIFE together. Falling in love with the Living God is much the same and through his precious WORD we get to know His amazing character, the things that overjoy his heart and the ways that we continually break it. As we walk through life in this intimate relationship our experience is so much sweeter....and it goes on and on and on FOREVER!

Oh that He might help me to push through the distractions and obstacles and presser deeper into HIS HEART!

Answered Prayers....

Praise GOD!!!! He's provided us with a beauiful vehicle.....

We are so excited to finally have a car of our own! Which means on our weekends off we can take a break from our beautiful campus and enjoy some sweet r & r.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! For praying with us, for standing with us believing for this miracle....

Coffee, Chocolate and Cheese (Take 2)

I've used this blog more often that not to share about all that God is doing here on our mountainside in Guatemala. But lately I've just felt led to share a bit about what God is doing in us...hence the title...
"Coffee, Chocolate and Cheese..."
A little background: Years ago during my first years of service I lived with some AMAZING women in our baby house. We were all single and either adopting or fostering children. Often we'd find ourselves gathered around the kitchen table at 9:00p.m. or later for coffee, chocolate of some kind and a snack which usually included cheese in one form or another. It was a time of GREAT encouragment to my soul and accountability for my weak heart! In those times, around that table I didn't feel so alone....didn't so much notice that I was single...didn't so much miss my husband. I felt so satisfied in the LORD and so grateful for the dear friends that He was allowing me to fellowship with and glean from.
So as I considered sharing more personal thoughts through this blog I thought "Coffee, chocolate and cheese" would make a great title!

Each Sunday church is different! Different worship team, different preacher...etc. Normall Stefan and I take the three year olds out for Sunday School but today there was a special group of volunteers who came in to take our place, giving Stefan and I the opportunity to stay in "big church." Worship was AMAZING...and I really felt the LORD confirming some words that He had been speaking to me in private. Earlier I journaled about living a "surrendered life." Job lived a surrendered life without question....when life was falling in around him what did he do? WORSHIP....yes that's right, the man got on his face and worshiped the LIVING GOD. Now that is surrender! In the midst of crisis, trauma....UNREAL brokenness, Job didn't turn to his friends, he didn't run to his pastor or spiritual advisor, he didn't kill himself....HE WORSHIPED!
In the midst of our circumstances...good, bad or otherwise do we find ourselves grateful? My heart is convicted....
I deeply desire to live a life TOTALLY surrendered to the LIVING GOD. I want to reflect HIS glory in every desicion, attitude and response.
Challenged to live this week a bit different than the last...

Coffee, Chocolate and Cheese....

Life gets so busy....at times it seems to fly by at the speed of light! With 160 kids our lives are nothing less than an adventure....sometimes more challenging than we feel capable of handling, sometimes more sorrowful than our hearts feel able to bear and sometimes so JOYFUL that cups overflow....

In the midst of our ministry and role here at Casa Bernabe, Stefan and I continue to grow as a family! It's been almost nine years since my little bundle of JOY was born and my mind reels as I look back and see the MIGHTY, COMPASSIONATE hand of God over our lives! Yesterday while on a tour of our facilities he came to me with a mirage of needs. As I attended him I listened to a dear friend TESTIFY to the GOODNESS of GOD through our story! At times it's so challenging to be a single mama, to work more than full time here in this ministry, to homeschool and somewhere in there still be me.....but I am learning more and more about what it truly means to live a SURRENDERED life.

Several months ago in the midst of more sorrow than I felt capable of bearing I began to ask, "GOD, seriously what is it that you want from me?" Stefan was struggling with the absence of a daddy in his life and I was feeling responsible, I was working through several really difficult situations with our children here at CB and just feeling ready to be a mama to a house instead of a Social Worker....there again knowing that without my husband that would be impossible. In that brokenness the questions in my heart were a deep ocean and I felt hopeless to change anything, incapable of taking the pain, the frustration....
"God, seriously what is it that you want from me?" I TRULY felt that I was living a surrendered life.....it took weeks but in the silence God began to reveal to me the picture of a crucible and an intense fire. What does GOD want from me? He wants to see His own GLORIOUS reflection in ALL that I Am.... AND in order to acheive those results the fire must get hotter, PRIDE must be destroyed, my "I CAN DO IT....OR better yet....I WILL DO IT MYSELF" attitude has to be crucified, my plans must become submissive to HIS purpose and I must be willing everyday to TRULY live a LIFE fully surrendered to the LIVING GOD.

Today as we prepare to worship with 160 children my prayer is that God will continue to refine me as a mama...that I might attend the needs, wants and desires of my precious little Stefan with WISDOM, that I might be a living example of the ONE that I serve....and that as a community we would be unified in seeking RESTORATION in the GOD who lives, moves among us and LOVES us more than we could ever imagine.

Holy Week...

Service Project @ the dump in Chimaltenango

Since the beginning of time we as humans have been FORGETFUL! We forget everything from where we last left our keys to AMAZING experiencing had at the hand of a GRACIOUS and LIVING God! Often we live within our circumstances as though they are exclusive...that is to say that those circumstances are all that matter. AND thus we FORGET about the world around us, the trials our "brothers and sisters" are experiencing....famine, war, abuse, abandonment, etc.

In our community here I think it is even easier to FORGET. We live on the side of the mountain and EVERYTHING we need is here. It's rare that we experience life apart from this place....you could even say that we live in a bubble! That is not to say it's utopia but it's a place that is certainly sheltered from the world. As we've considered these things, we felt led by the Holy Spirit to incorporate service projects as a part of the VISION for youth group in 2010.

Honestly as we planned it was a HUGE step of FAITH. We felt led to do some sort of project in the city dump but for months had no response from the ministry located there. Then, sort of out of the blue some great friends, Charlie and Pat Reynolds introduced us to a new ministry beginning in their city at the dump. So we made a trip out there to visit them but also to explore partnership possibilities.

After MUCH planning our youth - - BRIGADA 40 began to prepare through a 40 day fast in which they each chose to give up an element of life, something important to them in order to make more room in their lives for the presence of the LORD. On the last day of that fast we called an optional but communal fast among BRIGADA in order to prepare specifically for the service project out in Chimaltenango. WHAT an AMAZING day it was! The youth arrived, the majority having chosen to fast, they jumped into the prep process....sorting and bagging beans and rice, wrapping gifts of hygiene products, cutting fruit and practicing a program through which they would present the GOSPEL. It was AMAZING!

No complaining, no bad attitudes....And at the end we spent time in small groups praying over the activity instead of eating.

As I pondered the events of the day it occured to me that the FAST was ENJOYABLE! And the Lord led me to Isaiah 58...

"Is not this the fast that I choose:

To LOOSE the bonds of wickedness,

to UNDO the straps of the yoke,

to LET the oppressed go free,

And to BREAK every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, "HERE I AM."

THE FAST WAS ENJOYABLE!

The next day at 8:00a.m. we headed to Chimaltenango for the service project...

BRIGADA 40 served at Pat and Charlie's school and it's surrounding community and then at the Chimaltenango dump as well. Our hearts were so tender and the Spirit of God moved among us and through us mightily! And the Lord continues to work among us....

OUR CHALLENGE: To REMEMBER this new found perspective and to walk in GRATEFULNESS!

Long overdue Update....January 14, 2010

They say a picture says a thousand words! I absolutely love these of our little ones, taken a couple of weeks ago during a campus wide event!

This was taken on New Year's Eve.....fireworks galore!!!! It was such a loud night but so much fun! We had two teams here and they gracious made the entire campus dinner and then we enjoyed worship together and of course the finale was a HUGE fireworks show! It was a beautiful way to ring in the New Year!

So much has happened in our short time back and I'm not sure exactly how to communicate all that God has done! Our first six months were so challenging and my stomach turned as we boarded our plane to return to Guatemala....unsure of the challenges that would surely await us! But I was more confident than ever that God had called us and annointed this time for us to serve at Casa Bernabe....and that alone brought a great deal of peace, still my flesh was insecure!

As we flew I grew more and more relaxed and a peace that I cannot even begin to describe covered me and has continued to this day!

We hit the ground running! Southwest Baptist University had just arrived and so we dropped our luggage off and ran to do orientation for this 11th SBU team! It was so exciting for me to have this as my first assignment as I graduated from SBU and was a member of the first ever Casa Bernabe team. Just participating in that orientation brought such encouragement to my heart....and brought back so many amazing memories of ALL that God ALMIGHTY has done these 11 years.

From there we've been diving in....Stefan to his homeschool and me to learning more and more about Social Work in Guatemala. I feel a renewed passion to be a voice, to impart resources and to just be a part of the process that each child walks through.

I am excited to be able to delegate some of my public relations responsibilities to a sweet couple from a local church and to instead be able to jump into mentoring our young women. The road that we've been on over the past few months has been such an adventure but it's so exciting to see where God has brought us and to experience the anticipation of where He's taking us.

About three months ago God laid the word RESTORATION on my heart. That word has been burnt on my heart but the process has left me speechless....without answers....as my good friend McKenzie would say...."it's left me pensive." How do we take these kids from our door up the mountain to the summit of RESTORATION? What should that process look like? HOW in the world do we connect intimately with each child we serve in order to come alongside them in the process?

Pray for us as we continue to ponder and as we enter 2010 with a focus of RESTORATION in every life/heart on our mountainside....children and adults alike. For the next 40 days we will focus on Forgiveness.....both experiencing it and rendering it....please pray for open hearts and a readiness in our children to both receive and render forgiveness. Please pray for our adults that we will be a reflection of the HEART of the ALMIGHTY and that they will see daily expressions of forgiveness in our lives/hearts/families.

More to come....