Coffee, Chocolate and Cheese....

Life gets so busy....at times it seems to fly by at the speed of light! With 160 kids our lives are nothing less than an adventure....sometimes more challenging than we feel capable of handling, sometimes more sorrowful than our hearts feel able to bear and sometimes so JOYFUL that cups overflow....

In the midst of our ministry and role here at Casa Bernabe, Stefan and I continue to grow as a family! It's been almost nine years since my little bundle of JOY was born and my mind reels as I look back and see the MIGHTY, COMPASSIONATE hand of God over our lives! Yesterday while on a tour of our facilities he came to me with a mirage of needs. As I attended him I listened to a dear friend TESTIFY to the GOODNESS of GOD through our story! At times it's so challenging to be a single mama, to work more than full time here in this ministry, to homeschool and somewhere in there still be me.....but I am learning more and more about what it truly means to live a SURRENDERED life.

Several months ago in the midst of more sorrow than I felt capable of bearing I began to ask, "GOD, seriously what is it that you want from me?" Stefan was struggling with the absence of a daddy in his life and I was feeling responsible, I was working through several really difficult situations with our children here at CB and just feeling ready to be a mama to a house instead of a Social Worker....there again knowing that without my husband that would be impossible. In that brokenness the questions in my heart were a deep ocean and I felt hopeless to change anything, incapable of taking the pain, the frustration....
"God, seriously what is it that you want from me?" I TRULY felt that I was living a surrendered life.....it took weeks but in the silence God began to reveal to me the picture of a crucible and an intense fire. What does GOD want from me? He wants to see His own GLORIOUS reflection in ALL that I Am.... AND in order to acheive those results the fire must get hotter, PRIDE must be destroyed, my "I CAN DO IT....OR better yet....I WILL DO IT MYSELF" attitude has to be crucified, my plans must become submissive to HIS purpose and I must be willing everyday to TRULY live a LIFE fully surrendered to the LIVING GOD.

Today as we prepare to worship with 160 children my prayer is that God will continue to refine me as a mama...that I might attend the needs, wants and desires of my precious little Stefan with WISDOM, that I might be a living example of the ONE that I serve....and that as a community we would be unified in seeking RESTORATION in the GOD who lives, moves among us and LOVES us more than we could ever imagine.