Update on life.....

This blog background seemed perfect....even now as I type the raining is falling steadily on my roof....as the coffee brews and my two little ones snooze, I finally have a minute to reflect....to think back and the last few weeks.

It's been a over a year since Stefan and I answered God's invitation to join HIM here at Casa Bernabe and it's been an amazing journey to say the least. Each day is a new adventure that causes me to have to step out of my comfort zone, ruthlessly trust HIS sovereign hand and relinquish the control I so tightly hold onto!

About two months ago I was encouraged by a dear friend to consider what ruthless surrender looks like, to consider what letting go really would entail. Now, let me share that this has been a painful journey! One that is still evolving and that takes a new and different shape everyday! Honestly I felt that I was "surrendered" in every sense of the word....I mean really! So the first stop on this journey: PRIDE!
In researching surrender and trying to grapple with the concept that I was not surrendered I came upon a devotional that convicted me beyond words.

"Let God shine His holy light on the dark corners of you that you've never let Him touch. And tear up that contract you want God to sign; the one with all the ways you've wanted things to be. Give Him a blank piece of paper, pre-signed by you to do whatever He writes on it. You're at the end of your power and at the beginning of His. Surrendering is the way to winning, and powerlessness is the most powerful position in the world."

I was stunned as I read these words. A vision came into my mind of me standing before the throne with my contract, jumping up and down like a crazy woman...."just, please LORD sign it..." The Lord lead me to then cut out a heart and list upon it all my desires....all the things I was attempting to control.....all the beautiful plans I'd made for myself. And then I took out a plain piece of white paper and I signed it.....
I truly desire GOD to pen this story!

Fast forward a month or so and I am now mama to not one but two sweet boys! Not something that I had written into the pages of my story for 2010! Yet God in HIS mercy chose our family to be a refuge to a child in need! It's been a hard adjustment...much harder than I expected but God is doing an amazing work in our family! He's doing a work in our hearts, sealing His plan upon us and encouraging us to trust him ruthlessly!

It's been hard to balance my role as mama and my responsibilities here at Casa Bernabe. Hard to be what I need to be in all areas....tonight I feel broken! God has opened my eyes in the past days to the struggle that these little ones are truly faced with, he's broken my heart for our care givers who are raising not two but 16 or 18 little four year olds. Rejection, abandonment, FEAR and developmental delays make life so challenging! I can't see the future...have no idea what the Father is going to write but I know for today He's given me two sweet boys and I'm so grateful for the peace we feel in our home tonight!