Sounds of laughter and freedom to breath!

We've decided that we LOVE vacation time at Casa Bernabe! This week has been simply beautiful....lots of nice sunshine, lots of laughter and more blessings than we could count!

About three months ago we started working with a local business, Pricemart in order to provide ALL our kids with Christmas presents. It was alot of work and the folks at Pricemart were so dedicated and determined to make sure that our kids experienced the blessing of receiving! Pricemart decorated a tree and the ornaments were fotos of our precious kiddos. Members were able to adopt a child and provide for their needs, clothes, shoes and even toys. Yesterday was the day and it was AMAZING! Pizza, cake and presents....we asked one of our kids to volunteer to pray and one of our 7 year old boys prayed such a beautiful prayer, blessing God for providing and considering the desires of our hearts. So fun!!!

The kids got AMAZING gifts and we all felt so blessed! It was a great time for all!

Yesterday afternoon, following our Christmas party we took 20 youth out to serve in our local community. They took clothes, toys and blankets to share with the community around us. We prayed over families as we attempted to meet a few needs. It was an amazing time....really, really amazing! We are enjoying the opportunity to build relationships with the children of this community!

As we entered our campus the sound of laughter filled the air. Kids everywhere playing with their new toys and just enjoying laughs....It was simply beautiful.
We are enjoying a more relaxed environment and the opportunity to spend more time just lov'n on our children. Tonight we are just grateful, grateful for a God who sees and knows our hearts, grateful for family and friends, for blankets on cold nights and shoes for our feet! AND grateful for people in our community who have compassionate hearts and the determination to bless our 165 children!

"Stay Close..."

It's hard to believe that 2010 is almost history. As I look back over the past year there is one word that comes to mind..."BUSY!" I think almost every update included the word at least once and was so true of our reality! Over the past few weeks I've been so blessed to just sit, to ponder and to stew over our family, life and ministry here at Casa Bernabe.

In the craziness of raising 165 children how do we stay focused, how do we keep our perspectives wide...
I confess that my tendancy is to just focus on the little piece of life that is right in front of my face, a screaming child, a failed test, a critical supervisor, etc. causing my brow to forrow and my perspective to be slim. I'm thinking that this is not exactly how God has called or is calling me to respond to life. Self-evaluation is not fun but I think it's necessary evil, inspiring real change and deep growth. That said, I'm grateful for the many moments God's given me in the last month to just think!

As I've asked some really hard questions and recognized some really difficult things about my own character, God has not spoken in a booming voice or fixed me....though that would have been a splendid thing to experience. No, my loving Savior has given me one challenge...."STAY CLOSE to me!"

John 15:1-6
"I am the vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. ABIDE (Stay Close) in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."

This passage has been a great source of affliction in the past but for today Christ is simply challenging me to focus on staying close to Him, on abiding rather than on the lack of fruit in my life. Those areas of my life and character that are such a challenge right now can only be corrected as the character of Christ bears up under me and reflects through me....and that can only be accomplished as I sit with Him.

In sitting at His feet, the truth of what lies deep in my heart has begun to rise to the surface. Not easy or fun to deal with but this week I feel more excited than ever as I feel the Spirit of God moving and changing me, empowering me to let go of past wounds and to walk in JOY! In my last post I shared that God has been challenging us in a serious way as we learn to shepherd our youth here at Casa Bernabe. As we desire to take them deeper, past cultural Christianity, the Spirit of God is challenging us too....allowing us to feel the heat of the fire as we sit in the crucible, willingly allowing the Holy Spirit to dig deep into our secret places, healing and burning off all that would keep us from reflecting GLORY.

So much more to share but for now dear friends....the challenge is this....STAY CLOSE!

Where am I?

Where are YOU? For the past bit I feel like God's been asking me, "Tonilynn, Where in the world are you?"

Life has been so busy and I've been on this unique journey that's truly left my mind looking a little more like mush and less like something functional! No, I've not taken up drinking or illegal drugs but as God continues to lead us toward restoration here on this mountainside, He's not just allowed us along for the ride with our young people but He's really challenged us to be active participants. As He works, His Spirit penetrates more and more intimate, hidden places and my mind reels! I LONG for more of HIM, for the FULL revelation of CHRIST in my life.

How often we miss it! I think that is the point of His question and I deeply feel that He's calling me to be PRESENT! Present in this moment, not planning or looking to tomorrow but rather, HERE right now, available to my beautiful little boy as he finishes math homework....Here right now aware of Stefan's intimate needs....Here just enjoying this moment!

As we journey toward RESTORATION, so often we're looking at our kids, their pasts, their challenges and we are looking for ways to love them to the cross. That in and of itself is not wrong or bad but I know that in looking, trying to be creative, thinking ahead sometimes I miss really precious moments to just be with them. I feel so challenged to just be....

Where am I? Well lately I've been caught up in alot of really good stuff but I've missed alot of really precious moments so I'm praying for balance in my life, I'm praying that GOD will continue to break yokes, to free me of my past and to guide me on this journey that's become so very personal!

Perspective...

Recently I wrote about the rain, it's abundance has left us overwhelmed. As I drove off our property the other day I was stunned! The gravity of the situation in Guatemala can be seen at every turn. The land cannot take any more water and as the slides continue I am reminded of God's faithful care of us here at Casa Bernabe. Life continues here and often the crisis does not penetrate our land....it's stunning really! Just a kilometer away the slides continue...

Here in our little room, thanks to Tony B. our waterfalls have been detained and life without buckets has resumed! In the midst of buckets, black trash bags and heavy storms I thought more than once, "what's next?" I'm ashamed to admit this as we truly are so blessed here. My attitude was certainly LESS than God exhalting and I found myself demanding my "rights" at the throne. "I've worked so hard all day, I'm empty and God I cannot share my bed with the rain!" As Stefan and I finally gave in and realized that sleep would not be possible beauty somehow flooded our room. There we lay with bowls on our chests eating apples and laughing away! Life doesn't always look the way we'd like it to, experiences are not always what we expect but when we are truly living surrendered to the KING of KINGS, life is beautiful! The more that we ask Christ to "REVEAL" Himself to us, the more conscious we are of our words, our attitudes and of eachother!

Tonight we watched a movie with some friends and were so impacted by three particular women in the film that were the town "gossips." It was amazing, before a word came out of their mouths we knew that they were gossips....their faces told the story...
I'm challenged as I look in the mirror tonight....what is the story that my face tells? What is it that those around me receive when I open my mouth? AND even more importantly what is it that Christ receives from this supposed intimate relationship that we share? Is HE truly glorified? Do I live more and more TOTALLY surrendered TO Him?

So I come back to this:
CHRIST REVEAL YOURSELF FULLY TO ME, TO MY FAMILY AND TO MY COMMUNITY. We are not content with what we've got....we want MORE OF YOU! I truly believe that as we plead with Christ for Him to "ABIDE" with us and as we truly seek to ABIDE in HIM we will see COMPLETE RESTORATION.

Thoughts from under the rain...

There are those weeks, you know the kind...when it seems like emotionally, spiritually and mentally it's just one storm after another. I'm quite sure that's where the phrase, "when it rains it pours" comes from. Well it's been one of those months it feels like! And today I'm actually writing from under the rain...literally! It's been raining non-stop for a while now but over the past few days the rain has been long and hard. It's come down so hard infact that it burst right through my roof and joined me on my bed! We're talking buckets! And there was really nothing I could do about it! Except cry! So many leaks in my roof that there was no escaping it! No place to move the furniture...no way out! Thankfully today God sent a solution and for the moment our roof is holding under the pressure of the rain. But the whole experience has got me thinking....stay tuned for a future blog on this subject.

Stefan and I have started the 4th grade and let me just say, it's a whole new ball game! This year we felt so ready and we are just stunned at the difficulty of the material. Between video instruction and homework, school is at least a 10 hour day! Stefan and I are learning alot about eachother, our weaknesses and our need! In all of this I've been thinking about what it means to be a parent, the ups, the downs, the unexpected failures and the unmerited successes! I've relied more on the Spirit of God in the past three weeks in relation to parenting than I have in a long time and it's been so amazing to watch Him move among us...granting me patience and eyes to see....giving Stefan steadfastness and a willingness to learn. When we lived at Texan Hall we felt so blessed materially! We lived in this amazing 3 bedroom cottage and just enjoyed life. Our kitchen had a table...thanks Phyllis Salamy! Our porch had a table and those tables provided the awesome opportunity to fellowship together as a family! But in our one little room here we've struggled to implement our normal family traditions! And I had no idea how this was affecting Stefan. This past week we've begun to put our closet together which has provided extra space, we bought another chair and now are enjoying meals around a table....and what a difference that has made! We've laughed so much and that has truly brought healing and rest to our busy, busy lives!

Beautiful...

7 years ago I was sitting at my desk at Oklahoma Baptist Homes for Children, while my sweet boy was "signing the sidewalk"....making history at Casa Bernabe. Our hearts hung in the balance as we waited for God to move mountains to make our family a reality and now...GLORY!!!!!!! HE IS FAITHFUL! Each time I walk over Stefan's sweet little hand prints I am reminded....GOD DID THIS! AND He continues to be FOR these children...each one of our 162 beautiful pearls!

An update of sorts....

Our lives are crazy! I think that so often and then I wonder what I expected when I signed up to play an active role in raising 160 kiddos! There is truly never a dull moment around this place!

The month of August was so busy! So many exciting things happened....

Darkness 2 Light:

Part of the vision that the Lord laid on my heart for 2009-2010 was to be able to impart, Darkness 2 Light: 7 Steps to Preventing Sexual Abuse, training to our staff here at Casa Bernabe as well as like-minded ministries in our area.  After months of preparing and a very generous donation from Darkness 2 Light we were able to have our first two seminars. In two days there were 47 participants from 5 different organizations in our area. So exciting!!! This is a photo from the first day of training! I am so grateful for the time and resources to be able to impart this MUCH needed information. Since the training I have been contacted by several organizations hoping to host simular training sessions within the month of September. Please continue to pray for open doors to share the HOPE of Christ through these Sexual Abuse Prevention Seminars.

Baby M.:

Several months ago I sent out a petition in my weekly newsletter asking for prayer for a precious young lady in our ministry. Baby M. was born on August 11th to this sweet young lady and we have just marveled at the way that God has poured out provision through His people and covered both mom and baby in His love, mercy and healing. Both are home and we are looking forward to growing with them on this journey!

A visit to the National Palace:

On Monday morning the director of CB walked into my office and asked me to drive her to the National Palace on Tuesday to meet the Vice President of Guatemala....AMAZING! Tuesday we loaded a van full of 18 kids and 3 adults and began our journey! There was traffic galore, land slides blocking two lanes of traffic which had to be cleared before we could continue and there were car sick kiddos....but somehow we made it to the Palace on time! I'm not really sure what we expected, what I expected but I was blown away! The palace courtyard was full of children.....ALL of whom have experienced more hurt, abuse and neglect then words can express. I watched as one of CB's own took the podium. She stood as a voice for thousands of children who until now have no doubt felt that their voice was unheard. A.  challenged Ambassadors from around the world as well as the Vice-President of Guatemala to take an active role in preventing child abuse in Guatemala. She shared part of her story and led these powerful law makers in an oath to Guatemala's children. It was to say the least a powerful moment! There were 18 children in all who participated in the ceremony and in the end the Vice President pinned each one as Ambassadors of Peace. I watched as the this powerful man took time to listen to these children.....

As he went to exit the room one of our youngest little girls dunked under the Secret Security line and stood in front of the Vice President. As a member of security went to pull her out of the circle the VP put his arms around her and she asked:

Mr. Vice President....Do you believe in God?

YES. he replied....

Then I would like to pray over you....she responded.

With that the VP bowed his head and this young one prayed a powerful prayer over him.

I am challenged daily by our children, their boldness and their will to overcome intense struggles brought on by rejection, abuse and abandonment. As I watched this little girl I thought of Esther. With boldness she entered the circle and she proclaimed the name of the LIVING GOD to one of the most powerful men in Guatemala. BEAUTIFUL. Just beautiful!