April 2, 2011

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in a bottle. Are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8

Our mountainside has not moved, we are all still here but there is a sense of extreme suffering from the smallest to the greatest here on our campus. It seems like the past six months have left of spinning and as a result grasping for a sense of stability and hope. As I read these verses this morning they fell as a sweet rain on my troubled heart!  God is not unaware and He is truly the ONE who sees!

He sees the rejection, the abandonment and the sorrow. He sees the fear, the insecurity and the lack of confidence. He sees....

Last night during our nucleo I was so overcome by the Spirit of God to just speak bluntly and truthfully about LIFE and DEATH. I had driven up from the city moments before we began and just 3 kilometers before our house we came up on a terrible accident. I do not know how it happened but it was a gruesome sight. And in the moment I was acutely aware that there would be no medical helicopters for a rescue, no jaws of life....no those inside the cars would have to rely on the dozens of men who were surrounding their cars attempting to lift them off of one another. Then they would have to wait for the ambulances to take them to a national hospital, ill equipped for such trauma cases. As these thoughts rapidly flashed through my mind I could feel the Holy Spirit inside me saying, “I am the solution. I AM LIFE.” As I began praying out loud, I felt the Spirit of God so strongly in my being...I felt LIFE. God has used that accident as physical reminder to me of my tendency to seek solutions in all kinds of different places. But reality is that even the best equipped trauma center is ill equipped for the state of our messed up hearts. There is only one who can breath LIFE eternal into us and it is to HIM that we should RUN! I shared this experience with the girls and an excitement filled the room. The girls grabbed their Bibles and began to share the Words that God has spoken to them over the past month. As they read I couldn’t prevent the HUGE smile on my face, GOD is MOVING in the midst of such great sorrow and suffering. In school the girls are reading biographies of Great Christians and they’ve been stunned to say the least by these men and women and even more by their faith. One girl confessed, “I hate to read, I don’t read my Bible but I had to read this book. After reading it I can’t help but pick up my Bible and look for what these men and women found.” Please continue to pray that God speak clearly to our youth, that they encounter HIM and their hearts be forever drawn. 

This year has drawn me out of my comfort zone and into the unknown. Each day I encounter situations that I am not capable of handling on my own and am thus forced to rely on the Spirit of God. From driving challenges (may sound funny but Guatemala City can seriously test your patience and will to survive), to speaking in court hearings, to finding creative ways to love our children, I’ve felt challenged!

In the middle of one such challenging day I walked by the huge window in my office and saw BEAUTY and a bit of comedy! The toddlers where out on the swings playing and one of the littlest boys stole a toy from his buddy and a chase ensued. The littlest one ran with his head tilted, laughing hysterically and just about the time he realized that he had out-smarted and out-run his buddy his pants fell down around his ankles. I’ve never seen this little one laugh so hard and boy did I need the good laugh. At that point all bets were off, all anger subsided on the part of the buddy and they just sat and laughed together. Friends again...

This week I had a serious battle with fear. My greatest fear is that for all our GREAT programs and our wonderful staff and our Christ centered environment that we will not reach these kids, that they will grow up and walk away without a true, intimate relationship with the Living God. My fear is that in attempting to raise 169 kids that we miss so many little details that we actually turn kids from God because our relationships give a perspective of a distant and busy God. Please pray that God would open my eyes to opportunities to just listen to our children, that He would open my ears to truly understand what they are saying and that He would fill my mouth giving me words to express His heart for them. 

I have also experienced a deep fear in regard to those making laws for the littlest in our country. I can be passionate and quick to judge....also quick to speak up in “inopportune” moments and so in really evaluating each circumstance we find ourselves in where new laws and government entities are involved I’ve become fearful to say the least. I’m learning the law....something that is new for me and praying like crazy that God steady my thoughts and that He sort through them for me, closing my mouth when it’s best to be silent and opening it with passion when it’s best to make noise. 

BRIGADA is my passion! I love our youth, the opportunity to truly walk with these 45 kiddos through life and the chance to lead them to Jesus. This year our leadership team has provided more challenges than I was honestly ready for! At the beginning of the year I read a great book about shepherding and really gained a new appreciation for the art. I also gained what I felt was a passion for applying such principles in ministry but must admit that it’s not at all gone as I expected. This fact has brought much sorrow and confusion to me as a leader. I must confess that I feel like I know less about leading today than I knew five years ago, three years ago or even three days ago! Please pray for our team as we plan a retreat/service project for our youth. We plan to take our kids to work with a sister ministry, blessing their community as well as those who live in and around the dump. Please pray as we prepare creative and encouraging moments to share with our youth. Pray that their hearts would be tilled and that the WORD of God would fall on good soil. 

A short look back at 2000....

When God first led me to Casa Bernabe, I can remember feeling so led to be a part of the lives of these kids over a long period of time. I didn’t feel called to just come and bless and leave but rather to plant my life here, to grow with the kids, to walk through valleys and mountain tops with them. 

One of the first girls that I met was Nora. She was bright, genuine and compassionate. And through the years our friendship remained constant. Of all of the children that I prayed for daily she was a priority for me....I can’t tell you how many times that the Lord would wake me up to pray and intercede for her. This week she came to my office, a bundle of tears. For years Nora has dreamed of going to medical school but this past year she really focused on earning a scholarship to study at a medical school in Cuba. She applied and we all waited....until this week! AND the answer was YES! Nora got the scholarship and she is in CUBA! But before she left we had the chance to sit down and just cry together. This girl has gone from being on of our kids to being a friend, an inspiration and even an instrument of growth. Her story is so impacting and words cannot express how proud I am of her! As we wept together I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude well up in me that God allowed for me to see her to her high school graduation and now off to medical school! GOD IS GOOD!

Nora has fallen in love with her Savior and He’s sent her out as a remnant. BEAUTIFUL!  

Thank you for being a part of this incredible thing that God is doing here on our mountainside. We wouldn’t want to be anywhere else! And we couldn’t be here without you. Your faithful support each month allows us to do what we do, to come alongside our children and walk with them into the arms of a loving and gracious - ever so close God. 

Totally His,

Tonilynn and Stefan Steere