Where am I?

Where are YOU? For the past bit I feel like God's been asking me, "Tonilynn, Where in the world are you?"

Life has been so busy and I've been on this unique journey that's truly left my mind looking a little more like mush and less like something functional! No, I've not taken up drinking or illegal drugs but as God continues to lead us toward restoration here on this mountainside, He's not just allowed us along for the ride with our young people but He's really challenged us to be active participants. As He works, His Spirit penetrates more and more intimate, hidden places and my mind reels! I LONG for more of HIM, for the FULL revelation of CHRIST in my life.

How often we miss it! I think that is the point of His question and I deeply feel that He's calling me to be PRESENT! Present in this moment, not planning or looking to tomorrow but rather, HERE right now, available to my beautiful little boy as he finishes math homework....Here right now aware of Stefan's intimate needs....Here just enjoying this moment!

As we journey toward RESTORATION, so often we're looking at our kids, their pasts, their challenges and we are looking for ways to love them to the cross. That in and of itself is not wrong or bad but I know that in looking, trying to be creative, thinking ahead sometimes I miss really precious moments to just be with them. I feel so challenged to just be....

Where am I? Well lately I've been caught up in alot of really good stuff but I've missed alot of really precious moments so I'm praying for balance in my life, I'm praying that GOD will continue to break yokes, to free me of my past and to guide me on this journey that's become so very personal!

Perspective...

Recently I wrote about the rain, it's abundance has left us overwhelmed. As I drove off our property the other day I was stunned! The gravity of the situation in Guatemala can be seen at every turn. The land cannot take any more water and as the slides continue I am reminded of God's faithful care of us here at Casa Bernabe. Life continues here and often the crisis does not penetrate our land....it's stunning really! Just a kilometer away the slides continue...

Here in our little room, thanks to Tony B. our waterfalls have been detained and life without buckets has resumed! In the midst of buckets, black trash bags and heavy storms I thought more than once, "what's next?" I'm ashamed to admit this as we truly are so blessed here. My attitude was certainly LESS than God exhalting and I found myself demanding my "rights" at the throne. "I've worked so hard all day, I'm empty and God I cannot share my bed with the rain!" As Stefan and I finally gave in and realized that sleep would not be possible beauty somehow flooded our room. There we lay with bowls on our chests eating apples and laughing away! Life doesn't always look the way we'd like it to, experiences are not always what we expect but when we are truly living surrendered to the KING of KINGS, life is beautiful! The more that we ask Christ to "REVEAL" Himself to us, the more conscious we are of our words, our attitudes and of eachother!

Tonight we watched a movie with some friends and were so impacted by three particular women in the film that were the town "gossips." It was amazing, before a word came out of their mouths we knew that they were gossips....their faces told the story...
I'm challenged as I look in the mirror tonight....what is the story that my face tells? What is it that those around me receive when I open my mouth? AND even more importantly what is it that Christ receives from this supposed intimate relationship that we share? Is HE truly glorified? Do I live more and more TOTALLY surrendered TO Him?

So I come back to this:
CHRIST REVEAL YOURSELF FULLY TO ME, TO MY FAMILY AND TO MY COMMUNITY. We are not content with what we've got....we want MORE OF YOU! I truly believe that as we plead with Christ for Him to "ABIDE" with us and as we truly seek to ABIDE in HIM we will see COMPLETE RESTORATION.